matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
