woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
