The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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