I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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