Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
