In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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