Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
