This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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