Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
