kristin has been a bad kristin
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
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say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
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Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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