i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
