I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
