Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I intend to get homeless drunk
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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