Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
