She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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