I wish I could teleport
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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