Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The power of my boobs compel you
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
