we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
