He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
