Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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