im holly from the hills drunk
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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