So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
