Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
