I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize