NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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