i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
My ass is underappreciated
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Randomize
