His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
