Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
