dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
