Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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