Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
