And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
