How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
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Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
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Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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