I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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