Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I want is dick and wine.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
