the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
