Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
