You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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