she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
