Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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