Someone shit on the floor
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
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