I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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