If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
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Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
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I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize