I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
