The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
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