Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
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