Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
