Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
