Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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