There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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