I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
