four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
