i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
