you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
i've created a new STD.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
