Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
