The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Text me some of your sweat
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.