Texts From Last Night

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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays

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  (615): I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays http://tfl.nu/4zqy
  Replies (17) Good night (4437) Bad night (678)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.

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  (425): the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem. http://tfl.nu/jjmu
  Replies (45) Good night (2800) Bad night (7358)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.

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  (304): Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life. http://tfl.nu/t3n8
  Replies (21) Good night (6236) Bad night (1752)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.

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  (201): Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs. http://tfl.nu/3fsr
  Replies (19) Good night (5432) Bad night (1226)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day

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  (360): Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day http://tfl.nu/ru8t
  Replies (30) Good night (1928) Bad night (4774)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.

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  (614): He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails. http://tfl.nu/6r5a
  Replies (8) Good night (1069) Bad night (2732)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.

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  (217): And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night. http://tfl.nu/dztw
  Replies (3) Good night (1897) Bad night (1362)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.

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  (501): There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at. http://tfl.nu/jo9n
  Replies (5) Good night (2271) Bad night (700)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety

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  (+61): On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety http://tfl.nu/7rit
  Replies (9) Good night (2800) Bad night (679)
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  (818): View more from California

  My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text

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  (818): My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text http://tfl.nu/gbkg
  Replies (28) Good night (1736) Bad night (772)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile

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  (406): Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile http://tfl.nu/ji9d
  Replies (2) Good night (961) Bad night (839)
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra

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  (810): Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra http://tfl.nu/ryel
  Replies (4) Good night (826) Bad night (502)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.

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  (708): State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted. http://tfl.nu/x7uk
  Replies (3) Good night (453) Bad night (404)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote

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  (618): Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote http://tfl.nu/plk1
  Replies (4) Good night (643) Bad night (373)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.

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  (317): That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants. http://tfl.nu/8iil
  Replies (1) Good night (323) Bad night (468)

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