I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Randomize
