Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.