i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
ugly people sure do ruin things
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.