i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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