Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God

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  (313): My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God http://tfl.nu/eo8x
  Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (1316)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.

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  (314): Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem. http://tfl.nu/kucl
  Replies (29) Good night (2109) Bad night (620)
• Favorite

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Goodnight sugar queer

  (480): View more from Arizona

  Sugar queer??

  (602): View more from Arizona

  Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?

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  (602): Goodnight sugar queer (480): Sugar queer?? (602): Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'? http://tfl.nu/rsho
  Replies (17) Good night (1604) Bad night (2024)
• Favorite

  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself

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  (321): Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself http://tfl.nu/yztr
  Replies (19) Good night (4361) Bad night (933)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton

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  (734): wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton http://tfl.nu/f5q9
  Replies (27) Good night (904) Bad night (4599)
• Favorite

  (313): View more from Michigan

  theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.

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  (313): theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen. http://tfl.nu/by0t
  Replies (16) Good night (1660) Bad night (3338)
• Favorite

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.

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  (701): Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this. http://tfl.nu/tncp
  Replies (22) Good night (1684) Bad night (3981)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.

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  (330): I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included. http://tfl.nu/hd7g
  Replies (32) Good night (6449) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night

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  (905): He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night http://tfl.nu/aleg
  Replies (11) Good night (2695) Bad night (926)
• Favorite

  (818): View more from California

  I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project

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  (818): I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project http://tfl.nu/g4w5
  Replies (6) Good night (2616) Bad night (1177)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday

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  (808): some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday http://tfl.nu/capv
  Replies (1) Good night (1664) Bad night (582)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."

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  (651): She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name." http://tfl.nu/v79x
  Replies (16) Good night (4241) Bad night (709)
• Favorite

  (904): View more from Florida

  I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!

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  (904): I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms! http://tfl.nu/g8iv
  Replies (3) Good night (1020) Bad night (623)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"

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  (608): I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!" http://tfl.nu/mxo7
  Replies (9) Good night (1146) Bad night (459)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder

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  (503): Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder http://tfl.nu/i6jl
  Replies (8) Good night (877) Bad night (363)

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