She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue