saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together