And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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