My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
