'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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