I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
You were trust falling into bushes
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
