He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
