are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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