She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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