He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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