She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize