An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She even gives head with a lisp.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
