Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize