I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
