I like to think it a success when the cops are called
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
