Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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