Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
The ass gains better be worth it
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