Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
