he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
