What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
