she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
