Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
