i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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