Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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