You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
